Wednesday, October 15, 2008

my house

Lately i havent been so in love with my house.
It is not the beloved pretty house i always looked forward to returning to after a long days work.

It all started when my rent arrears were due. IMF as i call my boss had wired my funds but hadnt gotten onto ma account which seemed a weak story for ma landlady to buy.
Did i tell yu my landlady is Matembe, yes Miria Matembe. That lady who wanted all male defilers castrated. So b4 i paid i always left home very early and returned ery late in the night. I think that somehow affected the bond i had built between me and my beautiful home.

At ma place i have a house help called Andrew who used to be such a nice chap. He would clean the house on a daily, wash the dishes, make our beds (that wasnt his role guess he be'z looking for stray coins. Andrew would wash my clothes and also iron them. In turn i pay him at end month plus a ka-2k here and there, plus a piece of pizza or kabizzi once in a while. Did i mention he'd watch free telly.
But of late Andrew cleans when he want. Yu go home and house is filthy, dishes dirty and yo socks are in the corridor where yu left em the revious night. I leave him clothes to wash in the morning and yu'll find him starting on them at 7pm as yu return from work.
We used to send Andrew to Ntinda to buy us food, or to the nearby shop for beer but of late he has added a new word to his busy.
Kaleeee, come end month he'll see.

The biggest(in size) asset in my house is ma fridge. I used to be so in love with my fridge. This' because it used to be smiling all the time i'd open its door. This always made me smile in turn. The lovely fresh fruits, milk, tomatoes (tho i rarely cook) but they are such a ppretty sight, and ofcourse my beers. By the way i drink any beer brand so my visitors were always cartered for. But of late i dont know whats happening. I open my fridge and simply frown. In the few seconds i looked in there, all i see is a 5litre jerrycan of water, chilli from the last round of home delivered P.I.G, some gnut paste, a half drunk beer, ntula (dont know there english name) and i dont know who put em there. Anyway it aint a pretty sight and i hate ma fridge of late.

Moving on to my bedroom, maan things are all messy.
Househelp doesnt make ma bed no more. So i come home late at times a bit intoxicated and getting into bed is a disaster. Everything i used in the morning while getting set for work is on the bed. The comb, lotion, perfume, wet towel, and clothes. so imagine am from my fav. kafunda, very tired and thats how i find my bed.
I previously used to like my house coz things like mosquitoes i'd only hear from friends i considered unlucky and lived in wetlands. Nowadays these bu-guys are my roomates. In the day they chill in my closet and at night they come around my bed to feast.In the mornings i dedicate a cool 10 minutes to killing thease monsters that my room now needs a new coat of paint probably red.

As if this is not misery enuff the MULTICHOICE guys decide to disconnet my pay TV on sunday. Man this house is miserabole without TV. Local TV reception is so poor so yu cant see a thing. That is if there are any good programmes anyway. I really reallyy missed to see sheila move out of BBA3. I wanted to see that boy's tears.( remind me if she is a gal)

Have i mentioned that i have a housemate. Oh yeah. Me and him are good friends since childhood. We have been going on well till he and the galfriend started having fights. For starters galfriend is a first year campuser who occassoinally comes in on friday to sunday. This chic cant cook(tried once and we ordered her never to do it again), cant wash dishes nor clean house and drinks too alot. She drinks my wine, my beer, vodka, tequila, even malwa nad kasese. Not that i dont want her to drink, but ladies shd stick to one drink. If it is malwa let it be.
Anyway of late these two are always fighting. Miserable looks allover our house.Nobody is willing to talk to me after a fight so i decide to stay away lest they make me misearable as well.
One day i was awaken by her "sound tracks" only for housemmate to emerge from the room 45 minutes later and assuring me that its over between the 2 of them. Left me wondering if that was a farewell "shine".
But bu-young gals....aha. On sunday am trying to watch local TV and housemates' galfriend screams from the bedroom......."J please kol me when Barbarita starts. Almost shot back..F**k Barbarita"

My pretty house used to be an attraction to many young bu-gals especially campusers. This is because it was a venue to very many house parties, always had a constant supply of alcohol, pork was a call away, but now, wapiiiiiiiiii.

The bu-gals always call wondering if they should come visit but i lie that am away for days. What with the dirty house, mosquitoes, gloomy faces, no TV, no alcohol, Andrew wont run to the shop no more.

Just wondering how i can get back my ex lovely house.

Did i tell yu i left no airfreshner in the washroom this morning!


  1. wtf is this comments moderation crap?
    whatever. thing is playa, learn to make your own bed! and send that househelp packing. and get a wife *hint*hint

  2. Dude, your house sounds funkier than mine.

    Mine is the definition of spartan. Clean empty lines with the occasional rolex kaveera.

  3. @tamara...ya dude needs a wife,coz with such soundtracks from rommies girl......yo in shit.

    And gwe...yo landlady is Metembe!?Eh...and yo still surviving in their.

    good luck man.

  4. @Tamara, shall yu "trial" marry me?

    @normzo, yeah man Matembe her selefu is ma landlady. She is not so bad as she appears in dailies and on Tele.

  5. I think Tamara be right.... Its called responsibility.. I am not sure what it looks or smell like... And pls do quit with this moderation crap.

  6. Yes, ditch Andereya and get a wifey.